Feeling down? Go to REI.

There are times while scrolling through your phone, watching TV, consuming the news, walking down the street, sitting in traffic, navigating an airport, or encountering the local youths doing wheelies on their e-bikes when you will want to curse the heavens and consider walking into oncoming traffic. It’s important that you know this is completely normal and that you are not alone. If you aren’t a billionaire or a member at Mar-a-Lago, life feels hard, and there are times when it seems that we may never be able to get ahead. Thankfully, I have a solution, and it’s not only effective but completely free: Visit REI.

REI, or Recreational Equipment Inc., for those who despise acronyms, is an outdoor retailer founded in 1938 by husband and wife mountaineering enthusiasts Lloyd and Mary Anderson. They had imported an ice axe from Austria, wherein Lloyd (presumably) proclaimed to Mary, “I say darling, we ought to form a cooperative to make purchasing mountaineering equipment accessible for other outdoor enthusiasts.” Mary concurred, and the two enjoyed a quick huff of ether before tucking into some liver paté and roast beast.

Now, I can hear you asking, “OK, Stratton, the world is full of horrors, and you’re sitting there in your Porsche 944 Turbo (which is a Turbo) telling me that buying a bunch of outdoor gear is going to help fix that?” And to that I would say the magic of this fair institution actually doesn’t lie in the procurement of anything they sell. The true splendor of REI exists in its ability to inspire a vision of yourself you yearn to be.

From the moment you grasp the ice-axe door handle of any REI store, you’re instantly transported into a world of rugged possibility. As you amble from one section to another, something starts to wash over you. Is it contentment? Is it imagination? Is it the caffeine buzz of the Clif Energy Shot sample you tried upon entering?

As you browse through the camping section, you start to notice that these camping supplies aren’t just camping supplies. They’re a mirror to a more connected and visceral version of yourself. You could be a camper. Sure, you haven’t camped before, but look at all these items that appear to make camping so much more enjoyable than you’d originally thought. You could be that person making a fresh cup of coffee while the bears and birds and bugs of the wild look upon you with placid approval. Other campers would see you and quietly remark on how natural and competent you, the camper, seem in this environment.

Look, over there! It’s the car rack storage solutions section. These racks and storage solutions go on cars – and you have a car! These racks could easily fit on your car. Why, there’s even a handy compatibility tool to determine which racks would fit best. Imagine the skis and fishing rods and hiking sticks and canoes and bikes you could transport on your racks. That’s the reason why you haven’t gotten into those hobbies yet, now that you think about it. You simply never had the capability to transport them!

What do we have here? Why, it’s the tools and trinkets section. According to the display sign, this Leatherman multitool is actually 27 different tools that fold up into a compact size and fit in the provided leather belt holster. And look at these Garmin satellite-connected SOS beacons. One of the major reasons you’ve avoided alpine exploration is because of your fear of getting lost and not being able to carry around 27 different tools. Fear no more! The solution is right before your very eyes!

The journey doesn’t stop there, though. The shoe and boots section is a panoply of podiatric possibilities. There are light hiking shoes, extreme hiking shoes, trail running shoes, aprés shoes, and insulated camping slippers. Imagine the world of adventure and discovery awaiting you if you just had the appropriate footwear for these multitude of very specific experiences!

All of this discovery should take nothing away from the employees roaming the grounds of any REI you go to. They’re knowledgeable and helpful, all while demonstrating a sense of humility that often feels as if it’s gone out of fashion. They won’t make you feel silly when you ask if the bikes they sell come with air in the tires or if that costs extra. They won’t look down on you when you wonder if that new snowboard on the wall can be cut in half to make skis and then ziptied back together to be a snowboard again. They won’t even snicker under their breath when you accidentally get stuck inside the sleeping bag you were testing out and turn on that new Garmin satellite-connected SOS beacon you purchased.

REI is more than just a store; it’s a gateway to a place you’ve always thought you belong. So, the next time you’re stuck in traffic at the Costco gas station or find yourself proclaiming, “All good from me,” at the conclusion of your 10th consecutive Microsoft Teams meeting, remember, salvation is closer than you think it is. While the bounty of Mother Nature may seem outside your grasp, the halls of REI are ready to welcome you warmly and openly. Oh, and they validate up to two hours of parking.