It doesn’t matter if you ski, snowboard, ski dance, sled, ski blade, or just après; hitting the slopes generates a primal level of hunger that cannot be ignored. There are many options when it comes to feeding that beast with some being more appropriate than others. Thankfully, I’ve compiled and ranked a list of mountain resort chow to consider the next time you hit the lifts.
8. The granola bar you brought from home
Basically frozen by the time you get to it and almost always eaten while on the lift while you listen to the Gen Z kids next to you talk about how lit they got off Topo Chico seltzers last night in between rips of the communal vape pen. This is caloric fuel, nothing more, nothing less.
7. Trail mix
If the candy-to-nut ratio is appropriate (90% candy, 10% nuts), then this is a satisfactory snack. Certainly not something anyone is leaping out of their bindings to grab when they hit the cafeteria, but there is a time and place when trail mix hits the spot. Usually, after an off-piste journey into the woods to make some smoke signals with your buddy, Jericho.
6. Chicken tendies
Tendies almost always hit, so it’s almost like fishing with dynamite to include them on this list. However, chicken tendies at resort cafeterias are typically not the best option and often get overlooked regarding their preparation and spice application. Therefore, with all due respect, I must humbly place the mighty tendy at its current hierarchical location.
5. Hot chocolate and saltine crackers
This has been an under-the-radar standout for generations. It trusts the process, gives 120%, and takes things one day at a time. The scalding sweetness of the hot chocolate coupled with the salty crispiness of the crackers creates a momentary cauldron of nostalgic radiant warmth so potent that it makes the belly of a flayed Tauntaun look like a common hand warmer. Also, it’ll only cost you about $3.
4. Booze
A no-brainer, really. Whether it’s a bloody mary festooned with pickled treats, a frosty pitcher of beer, or whiskey neat, everybody knows that the best way to slide down a mountain at terrific speed while dodging children confusing hotdog for pizza is with a tasty buzz. Extra points for the added perceived warmth it provides.
3. Giant hot pretzel
Watch someone else walk by with one of these and tell me you don’t want three for yourself. It’s giant. It’s hot. It’s a pretzel. It comes with multiple dipping sauces. You are going to drink beer with it. Germans invented it, and they always clean up at the Winter Olympics, so you know there’s some type of winter secret power buried deep in the dough. It’s a fucking all-star. Prost!
2. Snickers
So simple. So delicious. So perfectly packed with peanuts, chocolate, caramel, and nougat. The real trick with the mountain resort Snickers is catching it at the right time in its temperature journey. Right off the shelf in the cafeteria is fine; you’re going to have a good time for sure. However, if you pocket that delicious treat and go take a few more runs in the frigid cold, that room-temperature Snickers turns into a chilled-but-not-frozen Snickers. And boy, that Snickers? That Snickers can make a grown man cry.
1. Cheesy chowder in a sourdough bread bowl
The mountain resort food of kings. The pomp and circumstance is unrivaled. The culinary engineering unrivaled. The audacity of the entire enterprise so perfectly suited to the environment. Why place a deliciously rich chowder into a common plastic bowl when you can create a carbohydrate cadaver out of a hapless loaf of sourdough? It’s warm, it’s cheesy, it’s probably going to cost $45, and you can eat the fucking bowl when you’re done. There is no meal more regal and no luxury more deserved than bread bowl chowder and/or soup. Enjoy every last bit of it, Your Grace - you earned it.
carbohydrate cadaver :-D dying over here