Straits Ranked

There’s never been a hotter time to be a strait. While the Strait of Hormuz is experiencing its own Brat Summer, there’s a whole world of straits out there with varying levels of strategic and/or historic importance putting in the reps and trusting the process. From container ships filled with Labubu Croc Boba Makers to oil tankers brimming with enough crude to power Taylor Swift’s next PJ run from Santa Monica to Van Nuys for the newest Erewhon grand opening, straits are more enmeshed in our lives than you may know. So, let’s get strait into it, shall we?

Strait of Malacca

Extending roughly 550 miles between the Malay Peninsula and Sumatra, the Strait of Malacca has been called “The single most important maritime chokepoint on Earth,” by Strait Afficionado Magazine for a record 7,000 years running. It connects the Indian Ocean to the South China Sea and sees roughly 40% of the world’s commerce and a third of the world’s oil pass through its slutty little channels yearly. Its waist is snatched (1.9 miles wide at its narrowest point) and has some messy situationships with pirates here and there, but has found more stability with some regional Navy daddies who have kept incidents less frequent.

Strait of Gibraltar

Gibraltar is giving very “Old World Money” strait energy. Separating Europe from Africa and linking the Atlantic Ocean to the Mediterranean Sea, it’s been one of the most hotly contested waterways in history. It’s had its fair share of previous relationships (Phoenecians, Moors, Romans, and the Brits), but has remained uniquely itself throughout it all. Today, it sees large volumes of container ships, bulk carriers, and tankers passing through its waters, and despite being nearly 5.33 million years old, it doesn’t look a day over 4 million.

Bab-el-Mandeb

Arabic for “Gate of Tears” (dramatic), Bab-el-Mandeb (“Babi” to its closest friends) is the southern gateway to the Suez Canal route. Connecting the Red Sea to the Gulf of Aden, Babi separates Yemen from Djibouti and Eritrea and sees around 6 million barrels of oil pass through its waters daily. Unfortunately, Babi has been plagued by Houthi rebel attacks, given the recent conflicts swirling in the region, but despite that negative energy, Babi remains an important and vital connecting point between Europe and Asia.

Strait of Dover

Separating southeastern England and Northern France, the Strait of Dover is the world’s busiest shipping lane by vessel count. While the White Cliffs of Dover have many strait baddies asking, “What’s your cliff care routine?”, the Dover Strait makes up the narrowest portion of the English Channel and is a critical corridor for European trade. Strait Stans are quick to point out that beneath the Strait of Dover lies the Chunnel railway system linking England and France via rail.

Taiwan Strait

If I had to describe the Taiwan Strait in two words, it would be, “it’s complicated.” Running roughly 110 miles between Taiwan and mainland China, the Taiwan Strait carries an estimated 40 - 50% of global container ship traffic. With that type of resume, no wonder it’s one of the most geopolitically volatile waterways in the world. China (abusive ex) claims the waters are internal, while Taiwan, the US (toxic bestie), and others (supportive besties) insist its international waters. The result? Friction and VERY awkward moments for all when everyone ends up at the same dinner party.

Danish Straits

Composed of three connecting straits (Øresund, Great Belt, and Little Belt), they are the only sea passages connecting the North Sea to the Baltic Sea. As the key gateway supplying trade to Sweden, Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Germany, and Russia’s Baltic ports, the Danish Straits punch above their weight while remaining coy, aloof, and composed as only the Scandinavians can do. Back in the day, control of the straits was the foundation on which Denmark built its enormous wealth, as it levied tolls on all passing vessels while eating cheese Danishes and chatting about clog culture (presumably).

Strait of Magellan

An OG on the strait scene that’s fallen from favor in recent times, yet still remains influential. Discovered by Ferdinand Magellan in 1520, the Strait of Magellan is located in southern South America and runs for 350 miles through Chilean territory, connecting the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. It served as the primary route between the two oceans for hundreds of years before the Panama Canal sauntered onto the scene (derogatory) in 1914. Though difficult to navigate due to strong currents and narrow passages, the strait still sees modest traffic and has the type of name recognition and aura newfangled straits and waterways could only dream of.